it’s been a long time coming….

Published February 4, 2015 by Jackie

I’m back…. did you miss me? Combination of things, mostly lack of decent internet access at work ~ I write these blogs in my lunch-hour, #dontyaknow! Course I do! But we moved office, and left the internet behind for a full 2 months, and well, blogging at home eats up precious knitting time, and then there’s the bottom line, which was that I didn’t have an awful lot to say except complain about the lack of internet at work…

Generally, life has been happening, predominantly winter bugs in the last week or so. I have been know to say that a cold or bug caught from a friend is a selfless thing to do, but whoever gave me this bug is deserving of a right rollicking!

I think that I must have picked it up at the Turners in January exhibition at the National Gallery, enclosed dark space, close confinement to lots of strangers. I’ve promised myself many times that I’d go along one January, when they are on display, I was having lunch with friends that day, who told me they were planning to head over later, perfect opportunity I thought, having been to see the fantastic Mr Turner a few weeks back at the Filmhouse, I’d decided that this year was the year, of all the 30 plus years I’ve lived in Edinburgh.

And do you know what? I think I’ve seen them before… and forgotten them… and was it worth a nasty cold? Well they were lovely, of course, but I won’t rush back if you’re asking. However, the WaterColour Society exhibition next door in the RSA was much better, in my opinion. And ah well, the nasty cold is on the way out now, so normal service should now be resumed…. maybe!

So what else has been happening? Well, really, not a lot! A few nights out with my wee pink pal, Moira, who over Christmas, sat by her mother’s bedside in hospital ~ she died just before Hogmanay, aged 90. Jessie, here’s tae her, wha’s like her, gye few and they’re aa’ deid. Tho not one of a kind, she was one of the last of the few of those amazing women who took all that life threw at her, not all of it kind by any means. But the memory that brought joy at the funeral was talk of her broad grin when her new great-grand-daughter was brought in to see her…

Moira is like me, not a huge fan of monuments. My feeling is that a person is still alive in someone’s heart as long as they are there to be thought about. I barely remember either of my grandmothers, tho one lived next door in my earliest years, and the other came to stay (no-one else would take her!).

But Christmas is a contemplative time for me too, as like Moira, my own mother died between Christmas and New Year ~ in her case, it would be 28th December 2006. I thought about that again today when the Met Office tweeted this photo of a Moon-Halo, a beautiful winter weather phenomenon.

moon halo

I remembered a stunning halo surrounding a huge silver full moon disc on the evening of my mum’s funeral, as the moon rose above the sea, the moon felt much bigger and closer that night than the one in this photo, and the halo almost looked like a tunnel of ice with the moon at the other end. My brothers and I stood on the balcony to watch for a few minutes, but it takes a cold clear night to create these halos, so not something to hang around in.

But the whole point is, life goes on, it doesn’t stand still while we mourn our loss, no matter how angry we feel about it at the time. Life can and does deliver cruel blows, for no rhyme or reason.

enough on memories for today….


5 comments on “it’s been a long time coming….

    • Thanks L, it’s not that I disapprove of permanent monuments, but where do you draw the line? A gravestone might have significance to someone who wants to visit it, but what happens when they are gone themselves? And a hundred years on, or two hundred… For one thing, there’s just not room for us all to have one, and what makes any one person more special and worthy than another? I didn’t know where my father’s ashes were placed until my mum died 40 years later, but I often thought of him. Similarly with my brother, his body was never recovered, but he lives on in a lot of people’s memories. I like to think that the people you lose have their own little plaque inside your heart, and a song or picture or even a smell can activate those memories in a heartbeat.

      • So true. I must admit, weird as it is, I love graveyards and wondering about the people who have been laid to rest there. As for my immediate family, I don’t think there is a monument to anybody and I don’t mind. These people are far more important in my memory. When Nana died I was asked if I wanted to see her body. I couldn’t understand why anybody would want to. I’d rather always remember her as a living person. Perhaps a bit morbid a conversation, but interesting all the same.

  • What a lovely wee blog post, we have missed you! I agree about things other than formal memorials reminding us of people, and although there is something interesting about graveyards, the gravestones themselves tend to slip out of memory or care after a generation or two. I like to remember people for things we did together, or when enjoying their favourite things.

    • Perhaps I feel unsettled by physical memorials simply because I’ve never had any memorial to the significant people in my life who have gone? But I do know people who find a lot of comfort from them, and I’d never deny them that.

      There are so many things that will set a little memory off though… perfumes, views, a song. All the little things that make you ‘you’ are all the little things that someone else will remember in years to come.

      I think maybe it’s time for some knit-chat to change the subject, don’t you think?

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